I’ve written pretty extensively over the past year or so about all the things happening in my life, from kidney disease with decreasing function, having a fistula created in my arm, the work up of a donor, starting dialysis and finally having a transplant. It’s been a year with a lot of ‘feels’, up and down and I’ve done my best to provide a very honest view of it all. I also write about how I felt it was all leading to something, a new life, a new perspective and greater self awareness. I’ve been acutely aware of that even in my moments of depression- an underlying feeling that all would work out.
I’m 5 weeks post transplant today and feeling quite good. I’m still a bit swollen around the incision site, but the incision itself is healing very nicely. My energy is coming back, I am now planning the future. I’ve been updating my website, starting a little advertising for my services, taking courses in everything from marketing to coaching and I feel I’m turning my life in a new direction; one where I can live from my authentic self. One of love and caring and respect for others.
In the past, I had some level of fear of getting to know people, of getting too close and of not being accepted. That fear led me to take a very different route than the one I feel in my heart I belong on. And I know first hand the result of not following your authenticity. High stress, unhappiness, conflict and general feeling of being unwell. I will never go back to that, I respect myself too much. From the moment my mother died in December of 2016 until the transplant happened in March 6, I’ve been through a lot. I went to an all time low with mom’s death and managed to fight my way back. I’ve grown exponentially through this journey. I learned all that really matters to me. And through my own journey I’ve learned that I want to help others find their path in life, find their peace, their fulfillment. I’m finally ready to take my place. I no longer fear what others might think, because I know I’m living my true life now. I’m sure I will have my doubts still, but I know I can work through them and come out stronger than ever. And isn’t that the only thing any of us can ask for? To come out a better version of ourselves?
I hope that those reading this post can find their authentic selves too. Work with someone if that’s what you feel you need. There is no shame in asking for help. We are a community that needs to work together and support each other. We all have our talents and we can all use them in a way that lifts each other up. Who will you help lift up today?