It’s been 4 weeks since my mom passed away. This week felt harder in some ways. This was the first “normal” week since she passed. The first week back to teaching yoga, working full time, getting back to normal. I stopped by my fathers on Friday morning to drop soup to him. I tried to sneak in because it was early, I was on my way to work, but he was awake anyway. Something about him there on his own, sitting in the living room in his robe brought me to tears. He’s always on his own now. We made plans for our weekly dinners: something we started years ago when I felt guilty leaving my dog home alone to teach yoga after working all day. My parents look after him when I teach on Monday evenings and mom always made dinner. Ready when I arrived at 7:30. So now it’ll just be me and my dad. I’ll prep something for him to finish while I’m teaching. Make sure at least one meal a week tastes ok and has health benefits.
I’m told nothing will ever feel completely normal again. And I believe that. There will be the new normal, but things are forever changed. And that’s ok. It has to be. From time to time I think how I wish I could call mom to tell her this or that, and I hope that somewhere out there her spirit lives on and she already knows everything I want to tell her. In some ways I lost more faith when mom passed, but it other ways it deepened. Let’s hope when all is said and done that my faith comes out in tact.
There were some good things this week. I had a massage that helped an achy shoulder tendon tremendously. I had a good friend give me a mini manicure. She’s been so helpful to me through this and I keep meaning to tell her. I’ve finished all the work I had to catch up on before new law students start back next week at the office. I had a call from the ED where I teach yoga for free telling me my newly hired social worker niece is absolutely lovely. The weather was pretty good for January in Nova Scotia. I was able to move a fundraiser that I wasn’t ready for to a later date. Life carries on.
And as life carries on I will get stronger and eventually I’ll have a week where I don’t cry.