I was reading a post called Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason by Tim Lawrence recently and it made me think quite a bit about the phrase ‘everything happens for a reason’. It touches on some important points about grief, many of which I wholeheartedly agree with. Grieving is a part of life and not one that should be ignored.And offering up a ‘everything happens for a reason’ at a time when one is grieving is completely useless. I love the phrase he quotes from Megan Divine that “some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.”
When we push down our feelings, whether they be grief, sadness, pain or jubilation we are not really experiencing our lives. All of our experiences shape and mold us into the person we are today. And by accepting what is we learn to work through our feelings rather than fighting against them. We feel passionately, whatever that feeling is. We feel raw emotion and learn to harness it and channel it in productive ways. We fully experience living. The highs, the lows and everything in between.
Where I disagree with this post is when he says everything doesn’t happen for a reason. I’ve seen so many examples of this when I look back on my life. I’ve written about some of them on my blog. I can look back and see the stepping stones that have brought me to the place I am today and I have confidence that I will end up exactly where I’m meant to be. Does that mean that I believe that people should take responsibility for those experiences that cause grief? No, it doesn’t. Should people take responsibility for having a disease? I don’t see that as the point. I’ve written before that I have kidney disease. Do I think I created this for myself? No, I don’t. But I have it and how I deal with it matters a whole lot. The lesson comes from that. How I deal with adversity matters. So did it happen for a reason? I think it did. I believe in a higher power and I believe that on a spiritual level I help to create my life.
Our experiences can harden us, for sure. I’m certainly not immune to that.I’ve had a very hard time trusting people over my life and can be pretty closed up with my feelings. But that’s part of my journey – to learn to deal with that. Difficult times can lead to tremendous growth too. It has for me. I wouldn’t give up the experiences of pain in my life. They’ve made me strong and capable. Even when sometimes it feels like I can’t handle anymore, I do.
I have experienced the unexpected death of a loved one when my boyfriend of 27 died in a fire many years ago. If someone had told me then that everything happens for a reason I probably would have hit them. But looking back, I do wonder. He was an alcoholic like me. He was in a great deal of pain at the time. I don’t know his souls journey, but I do know that we were two people that fed each others disease. We were headed down a bad path together. And we would have caused each other a lot of pain. I hope that he has found some peace in death. I believe in reincarnation so I believe he’ll be back for another chance at the lessons that go along with alcoholism. I believe that his souls journey wasn’t quite ready for what was to come but that his soul will have the opportunity to experience it again. I hope that he finds love in the truest sense of the word in another lifetime. His journey is not for me to know but I have faith that the journey will continue where he left off.
After all, everything happens for a reason.